Life, fun, and conflict aboard the normandy
by Tatsumarusmith
Summary: Well, many collections of one shots featuring my character and his decisions,interactions, and history aboard the normandy. Crosses back and forth between me1 and me2. Story covers multitude of genres. Rated T to be safe.


(A/N- Uhh i dont know how the spacing will effect readers, but tight blocks of text are always a no go to just about anybody not reading a book in their hands. So honest feedback would be nice. Ok so my review as promised, this is a situation between the commander and Garrus over my 'decision' over sidonis. Much of what i say is mostly my arguments and viewpoints on the matter and i ask you to please respect them, if you wish to discuss them then feel free to contact me under the condition we keep things civilized and un-inflammatory. Keep in mind it is not a self-insert so much as taking my role in the mass effect universe really seriously as commander Jesse Shephard though that is not my name.:p)

Garrus paced about the room fist balled up, his face chittering in agitation as Shephard looked on blank faced, a deep contrast to Garrus' irate demeanor, laying casually against the wall between his two fish tanks. Garrus continued this routine for several more moments before finally exhaling and turning over a glare towards his commander. "Why?" he asked confounded at his leaders decision.

"Must you really ask that question garrus?" he said surprised that Garrus hadn't figured it out and more so that he had come to confront him about it.

Garrus mulled this over for a moment, glancing at the floor briefly before returning his angry stare at the commander. " Sidonis deserved death," he said through gritted teeth, " He betrayed me and my team merely to save his own skin. A man in your species would be skinned alive for less by his peers." He said the last bit triumphantly believing he had struck an irreversible point in the growing argument.

It had been several hours since their arrival back on the Normandy, after clearing up some of the turians old business, when both Shephard and Garrus made muttered excuses of being 'busy' elsewhere. Garrus retreating to the gun deck while Jesse made his way to the loft. Several hours had passed and he had barely finished assembling his model ship of the 'geth' craft that had attacked the citadel previously and was in the process of painting its hull when the turian had barged into his room and began the confrontation.

"yes , he would." He admitted surprise clearly etched on the turians face. "but, would that make us any better than the man accused?"

Vakarian frowned in consideration but before he could think of a reasonable retort shepherd continued "Would you really stoop to his level to show him the error of his ways? Or anyone else's, really?" he said his eyes showing the fervor of his belief and confidence that permeated his words.

"So now it's about who is the 'bigger' man now commander?" he responded mockingly.

Shephard frowned, sadness evident in his retort. "So are you now saying you aren't Garrus?" Garrus wrong footed had his mouth agape for a fraction of a second before closing his maw and lowering his gaze.

Garrus whispered, the bluster punctured out of him momentarily "But what about my comrades? Don't you believe they deserved better? Justice?"

"I do." Shephard leaned his head back and then forward slowly, carefully considering his next words. " Everyone does, but it is not up to us to take the law into our own hands and fuck with it. No more then it is to punish a man who has already suffered."

Garrus's injured lip came up in the human equivalent of a smirk. "Hypocritical words from a man who is allowed to bend the rules however much he needs to in order to keep the peace."

Shephard smiled closing his eyes. "Perhaps, but I don't bend the rules whenever it suits me or" he opened his hawk eyes again to stare at his friend " when I make a decision based not on justice but vengeance."

"Sounds like you are cold hearted." he said impertinently to the officer.

"No more cold hearted then killing a man who's punished himself every day since the murder of his friends."

They both stood silently apart both un-willing to flinch, moments passed in the quiet which passed at an excruciatingly long interval.. Garrus sighed and rubbed his neck guiltily unable to look his friend in the eye. He had come to confront Shepard, for even after their brief discussion on the mission proper, the lingering doubts in his mind remained un-pacified until he could no longer see straight and went brashly to confront him in his room to 'discuss' his misgivings over the leaders call.

"Garrus, I know what you tried to do. I really do, your intentions were good but the way you went about it wasn't. When we finally met him and I managed to see the broken husk he was, even you had to admit, he deserved a bit of mercy because in the end, he had already died a long time ago."

Garrus turned his attention to the wall of already completed space ships, putting his hands upon the glass as his own reflection stared back at him. He continued to stare even as he spoke. " I guess I really wasn't acting like myself was I?"

"No, you weren't, that's another reason I couldn't let you do it. You are a good man…errhh..turian, and to watch a crew mate, a friend, almost fall like you did. It would have made the galaxy a little less brighter."

Garrus chuckled, turning his head around to regard Jesse before saying in amusement "My,my shepherd, I had no idea how much you loved me" he said clearly relishing the confused look to cross his commanders face. His comment though crude contained his usual sense of humor that the Normandy commander had become used to.

Quickly recovering Jesse put on a serious face and proceeded to proclaim with sarcasm dripping from every syllable. "Ok. I don't know what you dream about at night,but youd be lucky to get anyone Garrus, especially with that ugly mug of yours."

They both smiled momentarily, falling back on the easy camaraderie they had built ever since before the attack on the citadel.

The mood quickly shifted as Garrus rested his left shoulder against the glass that held Jesse's model ships and cross his arms at the waist, his body's telltale sign that he was in deep thought, " I uhh…" he hesitated momentarily embarrassed at the awkward and personal question he was about to ask.

"Go on Garrus," Shepard said kindly."What is it?

"How do you deal with it then commander? With the loss?"

Then and there Shephard aged in the space of a few seconds, the shadowing of his eyes the only indication of it occurring. No doubt being flung back into several of the hellish war zones he had went through, the ones most obvious to Garrus being the batarian attack on his commanders home colony, where Jesse lost many of his family and friends, and the mission that had sacrificed his trusted second in command Ashley Williams and even though he chose never to speak about his past, Garrus knew there were probably many others from several different battlefields throughout his time in the alliance.

"I don't forget Garrus. I take their losses and burn them into memory. I promise myself as well as the dead that I will strive to do better next time. I also ask for their forgiveness andhopefully, if there is somewhere further then death where we can meet, they can tell me of what they honestly think, if i made the right decision or not."

"seems haunting and rather…un-healthy."

"How else are we supposed to become better commanders?"

Garrus stood their silently before pushing off the glass "Good point."

"Garrus, my friend. All I ask is that you do not forget the dead, but do not forget who you are in their remembrance. That is all we can do to honor their memory without completely changing ourselves, by remaining the same people they sacrificed their lives for."

Garrus stood up and craned his neck in a small bow. "thank you commander, I think…I shall be able to move on."

"Glad to hear it garrus."


End file.
